Hijabified Concerns during Weddings

When one talks about hijab generally, it is mostly to do with whether or not hijab is obligatory, who to observe hijab in front of and is the covering of face essential? Of course, these are all valid questions, which must be and have been answered at length by many scholars. This article then, will move away from these questions and look at a phenomena, which is, to say the least, quite disturbing when it comes to hijab. And that phenomena is the wedding of a hijabified girl.

The wedding itself, of course, is a happy occasion for all. But if the bride is someone who observes strict hijab, then certain guidelines automatically become binding, not only on her family members and in-laws, but on her friends as well. And, unfortunately, these very guidelines are the ones they usually choose to ignore. And sometimes, the fact is, they do not even think in those directions.

So, what are the directions? First and foremost, let's analyse some of our routine wedding practices. If you attend any wedding, you generally want to snap some photographs and take them back with you to either show them or email them to those family members who didn't attend. You also want to keep them with you as a token of good memories. But if the bride observes hijab, and she is dressed up for the wedding day only because the function is segregated, then ask yourself -- should you snap her photographs, while she is decked up?

The answer, of course, depends on who you will be showing the photographs to. If you cannot be careful about what you do with those photographs, it would be better not to snap them at all. After all, if those photos inadvertantly fall in the hands of someone who shouldn't be seeing them (namely your brothers or male relatives), it will be a gross violation of your friend's hijab on your part.

The second of our routine practices is making videos. The reasons are the same as photographs. This has become common especially after the advent of cell phone cameras. Now, everyone seems to have a video recorder on their cell phones, which is used liberally in weddings. Again, the same directions apply. If the bride observes hijab, it is better not to take her video. And in this day and age, when you have no idea when your cell phone might be snatched, it would be a good idea not to store any photos and videos in your phone. You have no idea in whose hands they might fall in and what he would do with them.

Coming back to weddings, one step which some families take is prohibiting photographs and videos altogether at their functions. If you go to such a wedding, and are stopped from taking a photograph, don't take any offence. Some people really do have issues with these things and it would be nice if you respect that.

Let's now talk about what generally happens during the wedding of a hijabied girl, and how, consciously or unconsciously, her friends and family members end up doing things, which are not only in gross violation of her hijab, but are also upsetting to the hijabified girls among the clan as well.

It is generally observed that irrespective of how strictly the bride observes hijab, a whole bunch of people from her own clan as well as in-laws surround her, snapping her photographs at random at a time when she is dressed up to the fullest, courtesy a segregated function. And even though there are girls who choose to be strict at that time and decline to be photographed, at the severe risk of offending even their in-laws, there are many others who don't dare to speak up in fear of being ostracized by their family later. The issue of these girls, of course, is that you don't know who the photographs might be showed to later on.

Another trend, which is generally witnessed during a hijabified wedding function is that the photographs are snapped by a female photographer. This is a positive step, no doubt about that. But then, the family or the in-laws give them to a male developer for printing. That, of course, defeats the entire purpose of a segregated wedding and a female photographer. The question arises, do you really need those photographs in print that badly so as to actually sacrifice someone's hijab on the way? Then, once the photographs are developed, huge albums are made and showed around to family members, whether they are male or female. Again, this amounts to nothing but a gross violation of the girl's hijab. And in this case, it is worse, because in some cases she doesn't even know that her album is being showed around indiscriminately.

Moreover, there are some families who just don't bother taking the hijab of the bride seriously. They end up having non-segregated functions, with male photographers. The poor girl has to pose in front of them for her wedding portfolio, because, in most of the cases, she is too scared to speak up.

At the end of the day, unfortunately, there are a very few people who actually follow a strict code to ensure that they respect the hijab of the girl getting married. Therefore, as a wedding attender, it becomes our responsibility to act sensibly and not only respect their hijab ourselves, but get others to do so too.

Advice for hijabified brides

This is a word of advice to all the hijabified girls getting married.

• Instead of running away when your wedding ceremony is being discussed, take an active part in it and ensure that all functions of your family are segregated. Make sure your family does not book a male photographer/male video maker.

• For the functions of the in-laws, get your parents to talk to your in-laws about having segregated functions and ensure there are no male photographers.

• There are loads of female photographers and female waitresses available. Get your family and in-laws to avail their services.

• Make sure your in-laws know your ideas about hijab and especially the fact that you are strict about it.

• Designate a couple of like-minded friends around you on the day of your functions to keep a watch out around you and politely request people against snapping your photographs indiscriminately.

• Be firm if you have to, and decline having your photograph taken indiscriminately yourself if you have to.

• Have your hijab handy so that you can quickly don it if any male members of your family come in the ladies section. You can ask a friend to hold on to your hijab for you and give it to you the minute you need it.

• If there is no way your family/in-laws agree to a segregated ceremony, get them to make a special enclosure for you so that you don't have to sit on the stage. You can also get a matching hijab stitched with your wedding dress so that your 'satar' is covered at all times.

• Understand that you cannot please anyone. There will be people who will be offended by your adherence to your hijab. Some will tell you off. Others will call you an extemist. Your key is to be firm, yet polite. And, of course, make loads and loads of duas to Allah Almighty to make things easier for you.

• Realise that there may be loads of girls attending your wedding who may look to you as their source of inspiration. If you falter in your hijab at this critical time, these hijabified girls might lose hope. And if you truly respect your hijab, it will inspire them to do the same, or at least convince them that there is such a thing as a hijabified wedding.

• And finally, learn to stand up for yourselves. Once you start voicing your concerns, a very clear message will go out that you are indeed very serious about your hijab and would like people to give it due respect. If you remain quiet, the automatic message that will go across is that you are one of those people who really don't mind anything going on. So, be firm on what you believe is right.