Rights (un)Defined

A women’s magazine recently took out an “Ibne-Adam” edition. The aim, its editorial claimed, was to bring to light men's treatment of women in their roles as father, brother, son, husband etc. The editor stressed that in the wider society it is usually expected of the woman to be docile, submissive, obedient and tolerant of whatever treatment is meted out to her, touching upon an issue that men may also need to assess their own behavior.

When I observe the society around me, I see a lot of compliance between that theory and facts. There are many rights which the women are deprived of. In some cases, women are not even aware that they have such a right. And in other cases, they choose deliberately to ignore them. So what are those rights?

Right to Education: The right is to be educated properly. We have parents who prefer that their sons get educated at the cost of the daughters. What is to be gained from educating daughters, they ask, when they will have to get married and keep their house in the future. Sadly, such a view prevails in our intellectual class as well. I remember when the population of male students in my class suddenly rose up. The girls were informed that we were wasting our parents’ money and if all we had to do in future was cook food and take care of our husbands, we might as well stay at home. But the fact remains that if we want a well-bred next generation, we need literate, modern mothers. Not only that, but women can use the knowledge they gain to make a positive difference in the society by working for welfare organizations, and now with the advent of computer technology, work from home only to support the family.

Right to Marry of their Own Choice: This is another right which is neglected most of the time. No one can deny the importance of parents, guardians and other elders in the family at this juncture in the life of a woman. But to actually make that decision, without taking her opinion on the matter is depriving her of her right. The final decision lies with her. And this is categorically expressed in part of Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadis 9.100

Narrated by Abu Huraira, Allah’s Apostle said, "A lady slave should not be given in marriage until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is granted." The people said, "How will she express her permission?" The Prophet said, "By keeping silent (when asked her consent).”

However, it must be mentioned here, that the satisfaction of the parents and guardians with the proposal is required for the marriage for go ahead. Part of Sunan of Abu Dawood Hadis 2078 says, Narrated by Hazrat Aisha (R.A.) The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians is void.” (He said these words) three times. This essentially implies that there should be a mutual consent rather than an imposition of a decision from either side.

Right to Put the Commands of Allah (SWT) before those of the family: There are situations where women are told to take off their hijab or not visit their parents’ house. The family members, for example, the husband can only expect obedience from his wife as long as his wishes are in accordance with the commands of Allah (SWT). Women have full right to refuse to obey their elders/husband/family members if they are forcing them to for example, give up prayers because a show is about to start, twist the truth to get anyone out of a sticky situation etc.

Right to Work: Yes, the primary importance of a woman is in taking good care of the house and its inhabitants. But if she can handle it, she can work in whichever type of job she wishes, keeping in mind the Islamic code of attire. We have numerous examples from history, where women at the time of the Holy Prophet used to run their businesses, keep their own shops and preach the Holy Quran. Islam in no way restricts the women in any way. And as said before, the Internet and Communications Technology in the contemporary societies has created online jobs. Now, those women who cannot leave their house to work in far-flung places can easily use their abilities to interact with their employers online and complete their assignments at home.

With reference to the same right, it may be mentioned that there is quite a trend of families in which men have a laid back attitude towards the finances of the house because the women are working. Women, even if they work, are not obligated to spend their money on the household, unless they do it out of their own free will. Financial responsibilities are solely the domain of men.

Right to Good Treatment (Proper Care, Attention, Appreciation): This is another very important right. At the end of a long day, most women hear such things from their fathers or brothers or husbands as: “You don’t really do anything” “You enjoy yourself at home while I am out doing the real work” “What is all this dust on the TV trolley? Can’t you do such a little thing?” And women are expected to tolerate all this, feeling all the while, that yes it is their fault and they should have done better. Housework in itself is something which requires an immense amount of physical, mental and emotional work. Not only that but it is something which needs time management, critical thinking, motivation and all those qualities which people normally require in their nine to five jobs. A hadis of the Prophet Muhammad says that the best among you is one who has the best attitude towards his family. We have a role model in our Prophet, who used to do his own work in the house (how many men regard this as a challenge to their manhood?)

Also, there are many incidents of men lashing out at the women in their family, when the Ahadis clearly instruct to first explain. If hitting has to be resorted to, and that is also allowed in one circumstance only, it must not be on the face and not so that any marks appear on any part of the body. In our society, somebody who doesn’t lash out on the women, whether it be wives or sisters is actually looked down upon by others, men and women alike, as a “Zan-Mureed.” In some families, some women love to proudly proclaim that they keep their daughters-in-law so well trampled under their foot, that they can’t even protest slightly.

It is the right of women that their work be appreciated, their efforts considered and their opinion taken in decision-making. One writer in the magazine I mentioned above, very aptly blamed men for the trend that women neglect the house and children and pay more attention to their jobs and further education. She wrote that if women will be degraded because they are housewives and if they will be told that prestige is in the work done outside the house, they will naturally feel more inclined to work outside the house and get those rewards and prestige. Why would anyone do the work which is looked down upon, especially by the members of the family? It is against human psychology. Food for thought?

Right to Inheritance: Trampling down upon this right is also rampant. The Quran categorically mentions: “From what is left by parents and those nearest related there is a share for men and a share for women whether the property be small or large a determinate share. “ Surah An-Nisaa Ayah 7. It goes on to define the different shares women have in the inheritance, according to their relationship with the deceased.

Right to Obtain a Khula: This is another right, which a woman is supposed to forego. No matter how worse the marriage gets, she is supposed to bear it patiently because of the fear of being stigmatized as a divorcee. In contradiction, the Quran says:

“If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.” Surah An-Nisaa Ayah 19.

Here I may mention that asking for a khula on petty issues, which can easily be settled by the elders of the family, is also not allowed.

Rights as a Widow: Most of the widows in our society are stigmatized as well. Either they are considered as a bad omen and shunned from all festive occasions in the family, or it is considered very outrageous for them to re-marry. The Quran, however, says:

“If any of you die and leave widows behind they shall wait concerning themselves four months and ten days: when they have fulfilled their term there is no blame on you if they dispose of themselves in a just and reasonable manner. And Allah is well acquainted with what ye do. “ Surah Al-Baqara Ayah 234

There is also a hadis of Prophet Muhammad which names re-marriage of a young widow as one of actions which must be performed quickly. However, if there is no re-marriage, the “mahrims” of the widow have full responsibility to provide for her.

“For divorced women maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.” Surah Al-Baqara Ayah 241

In our society, we have widows working nine to five to support themselves and their children, which is quite contradictory to the above ayat.

To sum up the above points, we normally equate the rights and freedom given to women with the principles of feminism. The truth is that our religion, Islam, gives her more rights and elevates her status to a much higher degree than any feminist movement can. The problem is the ignorance of the people in our country and society about these rights. The general perception is that women have all the responsibilities while men have all the rights. Men and women have equal rights. But the fact that men are the protectors and maintainers of women, as Surah Nisa says, and that they have been created a degree above women, amounts to men having more responsibility than women. The fact that women have a lesser share of inheritance or that two women have to give a testimony for it to be accepted is never indicative that women and their duties are inferior and should be treated as such. True, leadership is given to men, but nowhere is it made tantamount to them being tyrannical dictators, requiring unquestioning obedience from the female members of the family. Islam stresses on democracy and democracy must begin at home for it to reflect and prevail in the political system of the country.